the sissy · Uncategorized

Birth after birth trauma

The day is looming.

When I had the pob I really wanted a chance to do it again. I don’t know how other people who’ve suffered birth trauma feel but I guess there is some who never want to go through it again and some who need to go through it again. That’s me, I need to. I wrote about having the pob here.

I don’t want a section. I don’t want to be sliced open, lay in a hospital bed afraid of coughing in case I split apart at the seams, not be able to get up from sitting or laying, not be able to walk properly. This time I want to be able to go home soon, pick up not just the new baby but the pob too, play with my toddler. One of my friends had a baby recently and after a few days went shopping to buy new clothes for him. I want to have the choice to do that.

I want to be conscious.

Like every mother I want to survive and my baby to survive too.

I want this time to be different.

After seeing my consultant at 14 weeks, extra scans and monitoring, an appointment with an anaesthetist, we decided there was no reason to jump in for a section. As we can’t be sure why I had a seizure (eclampsia/exhaustion/hypoxia???) there is no reason why I’d have another. The plan is I have an early epidural and lots of monitoring.

But there is a fly in the ointment. This baby is back to back too.

Everything was going so well, no back pain this time and no problems (apart from the required Gaviscon consumption) I feel great. No high blood pressure, no swelling or protein traces. Not that I had them last time.

But what if it was because of the positioning before that I had a seizure? No one even knows why. It certainly made labour hard from the start (not that labours easy).

MrSlender thinks ‘it would be best for everyone’ to have a section. But he’s not on the table. Thing is you don’t know what labour will be like. There are no guarantees of anything. Even with a section. Don’t I deserve a chance to not have a section? Can lightening strike twice in one place? Can I do it back to back? Will the baby turn?

One thing is for sure I know I’m not alone in suffering birth trauma. But it doesn’t make the thought of giving birth or having a section any easier.

Does anyone have a crystal ball?

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