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Tomorrows the start of the year

Tomorrow is the pob’s year review. I’ve had mixed feedback about going along and am in no way expecting anything revelatory. However, for me, its not about what happens at the review. It’s about the start of everything ‘year’ related.

I’m scared, excited and amazed to go through our ‘year’ things. We start with our review, then actual birthday, birthday party and whatever else there is. One thing that is really freaking me out is the thought of going to TinyTalk the Friday after the pob’s birthday (the Thursday) and having happy birthday sung to him. I remember him being about four months old, just after we started signing classes and singing happy birthday to a child at the class. At the time I thought, in a few months that’ll be me. Now it is. Its just gone so quickly.

I know it goes quickly for everyone but seriously, where did the last year go? I’m so so happy but so sad it’s gone. I love my baby growing up but i miss my newborn and my little tiny baby, i want to hold every moment and remember it forever. I just want to devour this time. It’s magical.

I feel mournful of the last year, maybe because I’m back to work soon. But the pob changes so much each day, at each new stage you mourn for the tiny bit of baby you’ve lost but at the same time you marvel at the new parts of life they’ve found. I suppose that’s the magic of parenthood.

The past year hasn’t just been a journey for the pob and his development or me of his development but of my own development too and lessons in patience, love, trust and drowning in emotions (and crap and puke). I still feel like I’m 21 but i find myself here, with a nearly one year old, a nearly 30 year old husband, bags under my eyes, and a whole new view on our future. Trying to be me but the pob’s mum too.

Here we are, excited to see what we have to experience next and sad for the time that has passed over the year. If i’d known how quickly it would have gone I’d have taken time to write more about him. His amazing growth and development and our time together, only I’ve been too busy napping with him sleeping soundly on my chest, playing where’s daddy, reading that’s not my dragon, bathing him, singing to him, nursing him or just watching him play, laugh, cry, or just breathe.

My tiny newborn baby, nearly one.

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